worth

So I was walking along this path of life, just minding my own business, when somewhere in the bulrushes I found this lamp. It was old and rusted, and had a handle on it that seemed somewhat dysfunctional, or at at its best ornamental. And I questioned if I should keep it, or let it continue to rest in its present environment. Such a dented object is often not viewed as opportunity in disguise.

But it was intriguing indeed. I didn't know why I needed this particular lamp of illumination, since I had way many other light sources. But I must have, else-wise I would not have presented it to myself. And yeah, you are right, I'm not fooling ya at this point, cause the familiar story goes;

and then at some point I rubbed that lamp, and a genie appeared to offer me three wishes, and then like, the reveal would be...

what do I wish for?

That's very important you know.

What do you wish for?

For some reason we think we have to put some thought into that. Some advance plan of action. Something additional to ponder, like what would happen to me if suddenly every thing was actually good. What a turn of events. What possible bad can happen to me if I accidently in my life created good. Cause good isn't easy to accept on it own merit.

It has to do with original sin, and not being worthy of it. But enough of those religious beliefs. Let's not go on that bent.

Good is much worse to accept than bad. That is because every time you lift up good, and peer underneath, there is some sort of restriction associated with it. If you define yourself as being good, you usually define it by what you deny yourself.

I am good because...

I don't drink,
I don't smoke,
I don't take drugs.

I don't fuck,
I don't suck,
and I don't look at those who do.

I'm not selfish,
and I'm not hellish,
and I'm not having a whole lot of fun. either.

The duplicity of good, is that it isn't necessarily a lot of fun. If you want to have fun, you have to go to bad. You don't have to live there, however, you could just visit it on weekends. Be back early Monday morning before the start of the work week.

Because, as we all believe, life is work. Life is pain. Life is the majority of time, like 40 hours a week, doing what you don't want to do. But this is good, because if you build up enough pain points, then you can get a free ride on bad. It is based on milage. That is faction.

Never the less...what do I wish for? I still find it rather disconcerting to ask for a bag full of bad. But good actually sucks the big one, so I wouldn't ask for that either. I might ask for happiness, but happiness is like a poof of green gas, that dissipates easily. I want to ask for something lasting.

It might need to be an object, so I can chain it to the floor, and never let it get away. And it should be big and fancy, so all my friends will be jealous. And perhaps it should be loving in that ever so sacrificial way, so I can feel the power of having a slave.

Should I just ask to be the genie?

I think I saw that on Twilight Zone.

This story is true, in my closest estimation. I did ask for something, although I have just a bare foggy remembrance of it.

I asked to live my dreams...

literally.

And so I am.