Diary of a Goddess

This book is dedicated to my female dogma, "Goddess," and all the other Goddesses. You already know who you are.

Copyright © 2000 by L. F. Deale Bf.D.

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce children who never want to leave home, and keep hanging around hoping I will give them more money. Don’t make copies of brief passages, and then e-mail them to your friends all over the planet, because you think this stuff is so damn funny you just can’t hardly stand it. If you do that, you will be penalized by them replying to your e-mail in some cryptic code, like ROTFL, or ROTFLMAO. I do not know what that means, so do not e-mail me and ask, just consider it additional punishment for your heinous crime.

For information write: lfdeale@aol.com

If you are unable to order this book from your local bookseller, you let me know via e-mail, and I may call them up personally, and give them a piece of my mind. (or not).

ISBN CATEGORY – SPIRITUAL HUMOR (oxymoron)
Preface

This book is dangerously funny. Discontinue reading if you are susceptible to itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations, caused by uncontrollable laughter. Immediately consult your physician, shaman, alternative healer, or psychic reader before proceeding. Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure.

Refrain from eating, drinking, smoking, taking recreational or prescription drugs, or engaging in sexual intercourse while reading this book. If this book should begin to smoke, get away immediately and seek shelter.

When not in use, this book should be returned to its special container, and kept under refrigeration to prevent disintegration. Failure to do so relieves the author of any and all liability.

This book is a compilation of the author’s personal beliefs. Some of the wisdom, contained within these covers, has been channeled in obscure languages and dialects, presumably from outer space. Any resemblance to actual names, characters, places, incidents or movies is entirely coincidental. Of course, there is no such thing as coincidence, which is another one of the author’s beliefs.

Remember that THIS IS MY BELIEFS, AND ONLY MY BELIEFS, you can believe whatever you want.

Introduction

For centuries, people have been keeping their dogmas on a tight leash, and not allowing them to run around in the backyard, and get some fresh air. When I was small, I had a black and white, Catholic dogma, who would constantly yip in my ear, or bite at my heels. My dogma was very masculine, and was forever marking his territory, which happened to be my living space. As I got older, I began to notice that both my dogma, and my living space, had started to stink. By that time, my dogma was old and cranky, and I was tired of putting up with him, so I began to search for a new dogma.

There are all kinds of dogmas in the world, but most of them are male. Some of them have been nurtured, and think they are asexual. Those types of abstemious dogmas aren’t very much fun to have around. I was looking for a big, bad, watch dogma, for protection against people who exhibited dogmatic ideas, and reeked of a noxious odor, that would always remind me of my old Catholic dogma, whom I mistakenly believed, had long since died.

One day, just by chance, I stumbled upon a female dogma, that was so beautiful that I fell in love with her immediately. I named her "Goddess." She is a wonderful dogma because she is intensely nurturing. Then I began to notice that most female dogmas are the very same way. They seem to be much brighter than male dogmas, as most male dogmas are restrained to basic left-brain activity, which sometimes causes them to be perpetually sprinkling testosterone on anything they can, and forgetting that other activities exist.


Female dogmas have a phenomenal method for handling the male dogmas’ isolated, egotistic, and tyrannical behavior. Every so often, when the mood strikes them, they choose one, from a huge range of male dogmas (that are always readily available), and commingle for a brief period of time. I do admit, they are sort of locked into that situation for a while. But, female dogmas are never concerned about restricting themselves to only one male dogma. This tendency has given the female dogma a very bad name, however. So, whenever a female dogma is displaying her intrinsic and inherent predisposition, humans call her a "bitch."

I never restrict my dogma, and she never restricts me, but one day I noticed that "Goddess" was disappearing for hours at a time. I was curious about where she was going, so I followed her, only to discover that "Goddess" was having meetings with the other female dogmas in the neighborhood. It seems that, for some mysterious reason, all the female dogmas of the Earth have suddenly detected a high-pitched sound that has revived an ancient memory, and caused them to respond accordingly. I began to investigate the reason for their sudden astute and perspicacious senses, and what I learned is that, you can teach old dogmas new tricks.

This book is about my investigation into the deep, dark recesses of the brain of my female dogma, to learn what exactly makes her tick. What I discovered, was intelligence so alien to prevalent beliefs that it is constantly shrieking for attention, because it was ignored for so long.

This reminded me of a movie I had once seen, where the alien intelligence actually took over the Earth, and proved to be smarter, and more capable, thereby, saving the Earth from total inhalation and further trauma. This was not a popular sci-fi, however, because it had a chaotic plot with absolutely no violence, or conflict, of any kind. I don’t think it ever even made it to video being considered too philosophical for the mass audience. The movie going multitude could not perceive that a fundamental principle of cooperation and acceptance could ever really survive on the planet Earth. For the life of me, I can’t even remember the title, but I am still searching for that movie, because I would like to view it again.

In the meantime, I have noticed certain parts of other movies that strike me as being very profound in a symbolic manner. This caused me to want to write my own movie in book form, which I have done with the help of "Goddess," my female dogma, who steadfastly sits by my feet, and bestows nothing but unencumbered love and support.

How much is that Dogma?

How much is that dogma in the window?
The one with the mysterious tale.

How much is that dogma in the window?
I sure hope that dogma’s for sale.

Woof, woof.